Check Your Privilege

I’m in the bus in the United Kingdom dreaming about a hot steamy bowl of Pho. Sitting on the tiny benches by the street, pollution eking out of the exhaust pipes adding flavours into my beef broth.

And then I think to myself, “how dare I?” 

Studying overseas was a dream for years. I am grateful every single day that I have been gifted with this opportunity. I am learning in a country and gaining experiences that would make me a lot more employable than an average every-day Malaysian. A lot of people would swap places with me in an instance. So why am I dreaming of being somewhere else when I should be enjoying the opportunities before me? What’s wrong with fish and chips? Here comes the condescending, judgmental voice in my head: how dare I. 

---

When I Googled “Privilege”, the first thing that pops up isn’t the definition of the noun, nor is it an abundance of articles written by angsty dissidents (surprisingly) going against all societal norms; but a car and home insurance company. 

/ˈprɪvɪlɪdʒ/ - a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group.

Example - "education is a right, not a privilege”

Synonyms - advantage, right, benefit, prerogative, entitlement, birthright… 

The Cambridge dictionary provides a motley of different contexts in which this word can be used:

an opportunity to do something special or enjoyable; or more precisely,

the way in which rich people or people from a high social class have most of the advantages in society; even more scandalously,

the special right that some people in authority have that allows them to do or say things that other people are not allowed to

A quick scroll on Quora exposes you to multiple narratives and thought processes: Does female privilege exist? Are you privileged? Does black privilege exist? Does white privilege exist and what to do about it? 

I took a Buzzfeed quiz to check my privilege. I also did a Buzzfeez quiz on what Disney princess I was but I guess that’s not the point. I live with 51 out of 100 points of privilege - and I feel tremendously guilty about it.

---

To my own amazement (and amusement), British people - and my one American friend - find me funny. I have attributed this phenomena to three main factors:

(1) I am funny - no doubt

(2) My Malaysian friends are just boring

(3) White guilt

I joke about it all the time...

“Your privilege is my command”.

I also use it to my advantage

“Are you being mean to me because I’m Asian?????”

The truth is that my friends are really nice to me.

I remember having a brief conversation about privilege with my classmates, “why are you a minority?” I asked one of my friends, puzzled, because she is very apparently white. “Because I’m a woman”, she replied. Which made sense, but totally crossed my mind. 

We each carry so many social identities, there is bound to be one aspect of the self that is deemed as minor; minority.

I’m white but I’m female.

I’m educated but I’m gay.

I’m male but I’m vegan.

I’m heterosexual but I’m Muslim (and this is contextual, because being a Muslim in the UK and being Muslim in Malaysia entails very different experiences).

It’s easy to call people out on their privilege. But when I come face to face with mine, what happens? The not-so-diminutive voice begins to shout: shame.

As a minority - or having aspects of myself seen as 'minor' - do I shame people into acknowledging and recognising it in order to benefit from it? 

Do I then judge myself based on the same scale? What else can I feel but to be ashamed of myself when I am in a privileged position? Do we live in a dying, decadent society? 

Tell me I’m funny, colonisers. 

---

Perhaps it’s the long tiring day after work, perhaps it’s the group of Thais in the bus communicating in their native language that reminded me of Asia, perhaps I just really miss a good bowl of thick beef broth. I really wanted that Pho. Check your privilege? And then what? 

Salted Caramel was made popular by pâtissier Pierre Hermé in the early 90s - Salted caramel is made by sprinkling fleur de sel, or any other sea salt on top of the concoction. Honestly, adding in French terms here and there serves no other purpose but to add satisfaction to my own soul, and, to sound fancy. It’s not a mere act of dumping a bucket of salt on top on sugar and birthing a miracle, it is a delicate balance of sweetness and savoury; a beautiful dance on the tastebuds. 

Unlike perfectly balanced salted caramel - yin and yang does not tai-chi in perfect harmony when privilege is bombarded into my face. It’s more like when the pirates savage through the treehouses of the lost boys (if you didn’t get it, it was a Peter Pan reference), uninvited, violent, with an intent to harm. I am slapped with shame, just to turn my cheek the other way and be guilted into being thankful - although there is also a genuine dose of gratitude.

The slither-like yin and yang has also uncurled itself into a fine line between reward and tokenism. If a woman gets promoted - Is it due to her true accomplishments? Is it because she’s female and there’s a gender quota to fulfil? In what cases does her status as a minority act in her favour? Should she accept or reject that promotion?

So what truly comes out of this meditation on how privileged I am?

---

Privilege Car and Home Insurance - no other way to remind you that having a roof over your head and having private transportation and being able to have them both insured, is a privilege indeed.

I felt pretty attacked by some of the items of the Buzzfeed quiz.

Item: I consider myself to be physically attractive

Is it bad to be confident about my looks?

Item: My parents are both alive

Should I be ashamed of my parents’ good health?

Item: I have never been raped

Why is never being raped something I should feel guilty about?

A study was conducted to understand the link between psychological factors and group hierarchies. An example of how this can be translated into actual behaviour is in terms of how people vote. High social dominance can be seen in the policies adopted in a society. Does it make sense for men to detail the policies of abortion laws that would affect the bodies of women? Do rich men cast their ballots with the needs of the poor in their mind? Do you wonder how your neighbour is doing?

What we see is a self-fulfilling process where greater societal inequality motivates the group at the top to use even violent means to maintain such inequality

Lotte Thomsen, one of the authors of the study. 

What came out of this reflection on how privileged I am?

A realisation of my intentions. An understanding of how the world works. A reminder of my duties to serve others from my position, to be humble and to extend empathy. 

What's going to come out of your reflection on how privileged you are?

I take comfort in the results presented to me by Buzzfeed:

You’re quite privileged. You’ve had a few struggles, but overall your life has been far easier than most. This is not a bad thing, nor is it something to be ashamed of. But you should be aware of your advantages and work to help others who don’t have them. Thank you for checking your privilege.

Pho, anyone?