How to be Mindful (like Mary)

I was at a friend's engagement party one evening and noticed that the groom's mother was very busy. She was busy preparing the spices and making sure that her guests were well-fed. So much so that she was willing to delay the family portrait so she can finish preparing the spices.

I was reminded of a story in the bible - At the home of Martha and Mary.

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Luke 10:38-42:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

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I've always identified with Martha.

We need to get things done.

We have guests.

Clean. Cook. Arrange the chairs. Put up the lights.

Get off your lazy butt and help us get ready.

Why aren't you helping us get ready????

Because if everyone were just sitting around at Jesus's feet, who's going to get. things. done?

I didn't appreciate the tone to which Martha was rebuked with. In fact, I don't think Martha gets enough appreciation. Until the night of my friend's engagement party. Now, I finally understand.

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As I now (sadly) enter in young adulthood, I realize that I not only appreciate - but also really need - rest. There's always been a tendency in me to maximize productivity, optimize, ensure efficiency and effectiveness. But why? Yes, there is value in these things. Even with machinery, the best way to guarantee healthy output is to ensure healthy input, to not overheat, to have regularly scheduled maintenance. So how did I think that I can push myself to the brink of burnout, and yet not fall into a spiral of despair?

Other than rest, I realize I also just want to be present with my loved ones. What good is it if my Instagram feed is filled with photos that will expire in 24 hours, if I didn't truly celebrate my friend's milestones or achievements. What good is it if I only see the world through the lens of my camera, than through my own five senses? What good is it if all my guests have spices, but my family does not have my love and attention?

Of course, I'm too practical of a person to just sit there and do nothing. I still identify as a Martha, but I also want to learn to be mindful like Mary. Here's what I'm doing:

Plan really well.

Someone still needs to get things done. But instead of busying myself on the day of the event, I spend time beforehand thinking through what is needed and prepare a thorough checklist. On the day of, it's then just a matter of checking off boxes. Instead of worrying about the next agenda, I can then focus on the people and the moment.

A scene from the movie "Soul" where character, 22, is enjoying the wind.

Don't multitask.

This is ironic coming from me because I usually have 7-10 windows open at all times (it's because I need visual cues to serve as reminders...). It helps to spend 3 minutes each morning listing down my top 5 priorities. My goal is to just clear those 5 things and hope no one gives me other priorities. Now when I go on walks, I keep my phone away and instead, I pay attention to the path, the wind, the leaves on the floor, the people.

Schedule.

I've decided I want to try to do more things - visit cafes, write, take photos, volunteer - and in order to do that, I needed to schedule activities (instead of crying about not having plans on a Friday night because "I'm just going to make some spontaneous plans" and realize that my friends already have prior appointments!). I also realize that I have to end work on time (with the understanding that I have to be flexible to prioritize urgent tasks). I also schedule time to journal and reflect on my week - which pushes me to be more observant and mindful of my emotions and experiences.

Have a 'device minute'.

Spend just one minute taking all the photos you need, then (try to) put it down for the rest of the event.

Like what Jesus said, we actually need only a few things. There will always be a thousand and one things trying to grab your attention, define what is the "few" that matters to you. Define what is "better" and choose what is better.

I hope we begin making choices we won't regret. I hope we choose "better". I hope we choose family over preparing spices.